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Please note: The Pulse Te Auaha and Doctor G have previously referred readers to the 198 Youth Health Centre.

This service no longer operates, but 198 Youth Health Centre counsellors now work from Waipuna Trust, 349 Woodham Road, Christchurch.
Phone 386 2159 to make an appointment. They provide a youth support service.

Find more local youth health and social services from Webhealth Canterbury.

Dr G answers your questions about life

Dr G’s answers will stay here for a while and then get sorted into the FAQ sections on the right.

I have penile pearly papules. I am trying to find a clinic in Auckland that does CO2 laser treatment but don't know where to look! Can you point me in the right direction? David, 18
Dr G replies:
Hi David
I think your best bet is to make an appointment at the Sexual Health Centre and talk to them about the best local options. Your GP might be able to advise you also. All the best.
If you have unprotected sex then get your period on the same day do you take the morning after pill (PCP) within the 72 hours or after your period finishes? Jessica, 15
Dr G replies:
Hi Jessica
It would be very unlikely that you could get pregnant if you have a regular 28 day cycle and had unprotected sex on the same day you started your period. If you want to discuss this further it would be a good idea to make an appointment at Family Planning and see one of the nurses there. They could also discuss reliable contraception with you. The ECP is good for emergencies but not ideal long term. Take care, Jessica, and look after yourself.
What rights do couples with mental disabilities have when they want to enter a sexual relationship but their caregivers will not allow it? And are there any sites or a community support association you would reccommend going to for people in this situation? Thanks, Charlotte.
Dr G replies:
Dear Charlotte
There is an organisation who can help. Advocacy Services South Island 0800 377 766, 03 3777501. I hope they are able to shed more light on the issues and help resolve the situation.
…. my penis’s growth is not as much as it should be in the age … My penis’s length is 3 inch. It is not growing.
Dr G replies:
Hi Sandy
It can be a worry when things do not develop as we think they should. It is not uncommon for young men to worry about their size. I think your best bet is to discuss this in person with a doctor. The Auckland sexual health centre would be one area to try or your doctor. Also remember that size is not everything — for most people it is far more important that men understand how their partner’s body works and to be a considerate lover.
Should I wear a bra? Maddy, 16
Dr G replies:
Hi Maddee, These days most women do wear a bra at your age, however it is entirely personal preference. Particularly women with larger breasts find it more comfortable to do so and this gives some support but really it is up to you. If you feel fine not wearing one then why bother.
What classifies as sexual abuse? Jess, 14
Dr G replies:
Hi Jess
Generally speaking, sexual abuse occurs when someone is forced to do something sexual that they do not agree to. If this has happened to you or someone you know, you need to talk about it with someone you trust, such as a school counsellor, your doctor or someone in your family. They can help you with what to do next. It is illegal to force someone to have sex with you. It is difficult to give more detailed information without knowing more about the situation if this affects you, but it is important to get help. You don’t have to deal with this on your own.
My girlfriend and I often play around sexually and I’m worried that I come too early, but I’m not sure what the norm is etc … Or what to do about it, it makes me self concious and worried that when her and I start having sex I won’t be able to please her. Don’t know what to do or how to deal with it at all. Bob, 16
Dr G replies:
Hi Bob
It’s great that you care about pleasing your girlfriend. It is common for men to be concerned about coming too early during sex, so you’re not alone with this. It can be due to inexperience and become easier with more practice. Feeling self conscious and worried about it can make it more likely to happen unfortunately.
Apart from that, I would say just try to relax and know you don’t have to be perfect. Learning to be a good lover takes time, like any new skill. Keep talking with your girlfriend about what you both find pleasurable. Communication is very important. Also remember there are other ways you can give your partner pleasure if you lose your erection! I hope this helps.
Recently my semen has come out with blood in it. I’m a teenager and have no idea what to do. I doubt it’s an STD as I’ve not had sex before. I really don’t want to have to see a doctor but realize I may have to. Any chance it will just clear up over the next week or so?
Hi Bob,
I understand that this could be a bit worrying. However it can just happen spontaneously with no apparent cause and never occur again. If you do notice this again it would be a good idea to see a doctor to check it out just in case there is something amiss with your reproductive or urinary systems.
Why do more women shave under their arms than men? Do women think they need to be less hairy for men to like them? E, 17
Dr G replies:
Hi E
It’s become the norm in New Zealand and some other countries for women to shave legs and underarms. On the other hand, in Europe this is not the norm. In this country some women choose to shave. It may not be about pleasing men. It’s up to you. Your body, your choice.
I’m embarrassed about my body because I have quite a lot of pubic and underarm hair and my breasts are bigger than the other girls. I often masturbate — it makes me feel better about my body — but is it actually making me grow up faster? Allison, 13
Dr G replies:
Hi Allison
We all develop at different rates and you may be developing earlier than your friends. This can feel a bit awkward but it’s perfectly normal. Once they catch up you’ll probably feel better about it. No, masturbation won’t make you grow up any quicker. It’s fine to give yourself pleasure in this way and it’s a good way to learn about your body too.
I want to get a sex toy but I’m too embarrassed to go into a shop. If I can get one am I best to get one …? I feel kind of silly asking about it, but I feel I should be able to pleasure myself and I don’t want have sex yet. D, 16
Dr G replies:
Hi D
Masturbation is a good way to pleasure yourself if you don’t want to have sex yet or don’t want to bother with a relationship. Far better than a one night stand. Masturbating in this way is fine as long as you are not hurting yourself or doing it too often i.e. more than a couple of times a day. Just remember that most women find stimulation of the clitoris more satisfying than insertion.
well, i like this chick but dunno if i should as her out or not as we are good mates at the moment and dont wanna ask how she feels about us as it could ruin things, what u thing i should do?
Dr G replies,
Hi there,
A lot of good relationships are built on friendships. Sometimes you have to take a bit of a risk and ask her out. If she asks if it’s a date, you could say "if you want it to be’. If she says ’friends only’ as least you know where you are and you can carry on with the friendship.
Am I having an orgasm when the gooey white stuff comes out? Can I get the nice feeling without it coming out? Do girls have orgasms too?
Yes, you are having an orgasm when semen (the white gooey stuff) comes out of your penis. It is a mixture of fluid and sperm, which can start a baby when combined with the female egg. And no, you can’t get the nice feeling of orgasm without the fluid coming out; the two things go together. Girls do have orgasms too, but don’t usually release fluid at the same time.
i cant talk to girls … what should i do
Dr G replies:
Hi Michael It’s pretty common to feel shy and embarrassed around girls at this age. It’s the same for girls often too around boys. It’s just that you are starting to form more adult relationships with each other and this takes time to get used to. Start with girls you do feel comfortable around and get to know them as friends e.g. your mates’ sisters. If you have sisters or female cousins they could be good to practice talking with as well.

Try to relax and just be yourself. Don’t put on an act, just talk about normal things you are interested in e.g. sport, music, what’s going on at school (if you are still at school). Most people like to talk about themselves so ask her about what she is interested in too. It will get easier over time. Your excitement around girls will get easier as you learn to relax more.
I get a little embarrssed when the topic of sex comes up so when i am having sex just imagin how embarrassed i am!! but i have a problem… my partner at the moment cant seem to "finish" with me and i have had this problem befour… so is there somthing i am doing wrong? Carla, 17.

Dr G replies:

Hi Carla. It’s a bit hard to answer your question without more information. I know it can be hard to front up in person to discuss personal issues like this, but if you can take the plunge it may help you to feel less embarrassed around sex generally. And being more relaxed will really help your sex life.

I think it would be good for you to go and talk with someone in person so they are able to help you work out what is going on. As you are in Christchurch a good place would be 198 Youth Health Centre at 198 Hereford Street. Their phone number is 379 4800. You could ask to talk with Nurse Gayle. The other place would be one of the health advisors at Christchurch Sexual Health Centre. They are used to talking with people about all sorts of issues around sexuality. Phone for an appointment on 3640 485. Both these services are free.

Good luck Carla and hope this helps.

I’m 15, but am having troubles with living with my mum. If i can get her to give me concent am i legally allowed to flat with my older friends? Laurel
Dr G replies:

Hi Laurel, I rang Community Law Canterbury about your question as they give free legal advice. You can’t legally leave home until you are 16 unless you can show that there are "irreconcilable differences" between you and your mother (or parents). Your mother would also have to sign a document to say that she is no longer prepared to support you financially. This would be through Work and Income so that you could get the Independent Youth Benefit to support yourself.

You can leave home at 16, but only if you have a safe place to live and you can support yourself financially. Parents can go to CYF (Child, Youth and Family) if they are concerned about where you are living and it will be investigated to make sure it is safe for you to be living there. If it is a situation where you are being abused at home (physically or sexually for example) you can go to CYF or through the Family Court to be granted the Independent Youth Benefit so you can leave home and support yourself (though it is not a lot of money to live on).

So it is a big step to take and you need to think about it carefully.

Most teenagers would have some differences with their parents at times. It is part of growing up and becoming an independent person. So it depends how bad the situation is for you with your mother. Also most parents would be reluctant to sign a document saying they have irreconcilable differences with their child and are no longer prepared to support them financially.

It may help to go and talk about your situation with a counsellor at 198 Youth Health Centre at 198 Hereford Street, phone 379 4800. It is a free service for Christchurch youth up to age 25. It’s hard to tell from your email how bad things are for you at home. Relationships can also change over time and become easier. A counsellor could also help you to talk with your mother about the things that are hard for you in your relationship.

I hope this helps Laurel and that you can sort out what is best for you.

If you want to talk to Community Law Canterbury yourself their phone number is 366 6870 and they are at 281 Madras Street. Good luck.

I was wondering how much does it cost for the morning after pill? i heard it costs about $28 from phamacies but then free from family planning clinics. Is that true? please help i need to know ASAP, Siobhan, 15
:)
Dr G replies
Hi Siobhan,
Family Planning do not charge for a consultation at your age but there will be a $3 prescription charge. These are the details from Christchurch FPA. Give your local FPA a call and check, remembering that you have 72 hours (3 days) from unprotected sex or broken condom, to use the Emergency Contraceptive Pill (morning after pill). Good luck.
I have been getting alot of cramps latley does it at all mean i will be getting my period soon? Kerry, 13
Dr G replies
Hi Kerry, yes it is likely that if you are getting tummy cramps and have not started having periods yet, that you could be close. Sometimes girls have their periods at the same time as their sisters or mother, so that could also be a clue for you. Make sure you have some products to try out so you are ready for your first period.
Well I’ve been wanting to ask this girl out for quite a while now (we don’t know each other), I’m not afraid of being rejected, but I’m extremely uncomfortable interacting with her around other people. It’s really hard to get some privacy with her. —What can I do?

Daniel, 13
Dr G replies:
Hi Daniel
You’ll just have to ask her if you can talk to her for a minute on your own. There is really no other way to ask her to go out with you. You could phone or text her if you can get her phone number but it is always better face to face. You just have to be brave and do it. Good luck!
I had sex with my girlfriend. I wore a condom and did not cum during sex. Her period is now late by just over a week. is there a chance she can stil be pregnant? James, 17
Dr G replies:
Hi James
It would be very unlikely that she could become pregnant if you used a condom and didn’t cum. Hopefully by now her period has come and the problem is over. Good on you for using condoms. Remember that any direct contact between a penis and a vagina can result in a pregnancy, especially just before the condom is put on, as you could have some precum on the end of your penis and sperm will be present in this.
Well there was this girl who i ’went out’ with for about 3 days then decided that I didn’t want a relationship but I still really liked her, so we broke up and we were getting on really well and i thought we were getting somewhere so on the day that I was thinkin of asking her out she said that she thought I was using her and so she’d pretended to like me. To hurt me on purpose. It really hurt! I wasn’t using her on purpose, I don’t even know how to use someone so this is really hard to get through. I need to move on but I’m not sure how? Help? Anna, 15
Dr G replies:
Hi Anna,
That’s a pretty cruel thing for someone to do, to pretend to like you so they can hurt you. She doesn’t sound like someone who is worth hanging on to. I’m not surprised you feel really hurt. When someone says you are using them it can mean different things e.g. to make someone else jealous, or using them sexually. You could ask her what she means by this if you are able to talk with her. You haven’t done anything wrong and don’t need to feel bad about it. Try to see it as her problem and spend time with people who are more positive. Hope things feel better soon.
Is it alright to want to have sex? Becca, 17
Hi Becca
Yes, wanting to have sex is normal for human beings once we are sexually mature i.e. after puberty. It’s a natural part of life.
Do you question the authenticity of the questions? Phoebe, 17
Dr G replies:
Hi Phoebe,
Yes, sometimes I do question how authentic they are, but I answer them all anyway as other people read our answers and it could help someone else with a similar problem. Good question.
Is it good to have sex?
Having sex can be very good if you are ready for it and with someone you feel safe and relaxed with. But don’t rush into it.
WHAT IS DR G?
Dr G is a fantastic online service through the Christchurch City Libraries web page. It is sponsored by the local Public Health Service and is designed to answer some of the questions on life, love, sexuality, and relationships. Nice to hear from you.