Tags:

Me topics

Dr G is here to help

Me articles

couple

Please note: The Pulse Te Auaha and Doctor G have previously referred readers to the 198 Youth Health Centre.

This service no longer operates, but 198 Youth Health Centre counsellors now work from Waipuna Trust, 349 Woodham Road, Christchurch.
Phone 386 2159 to make an appointment. They provide a youth support service.

Find more local youth health and social services from Webhealth Canterbury.

Dr G's frequently asked questions: Sexuality

Hi, I don't like it if a guy holds my hand or touches my arm etc, and I get a sick feeling sometimes if a guy does. Also I have only tried kissing with one guy but all the times I kissed him I didn't enjoy it - it didn't do anything for me. Am I prudish or frigid or something?
Dr G replies:
It’s a little hard to work out what might be happening for you. At first I thought the sick feeling you described when a guy touches you might be the little jolt of adrenaline or excitement but as you went on to say that kissing wasn’t enjoyed either, I’m not so sure. Of course it is possible for someone to kiss us in a way that is not very nice, like all soft and sloppy (then again some folk might like this). It might be that you haven’t met someone that you are attracted to yet.
I really think it is worth finding someone you can trust like a counsellor to talk this all through with. The free 198 Youth Health Centre in Hereford has some great counsellors you could talk to if you made an appointment. 3794 800. Hope you do follow up on this.
I was wondering if there is any way to change your sexuality, because I’m gay, and I have been to all the sites about accepting yourself, but the thing is I just really don’t want to be gay! So if you have anything that would be of use to me I would appreciate it greatly. Thanks.
Dr G replies:
I think it would be really good for you to go and talk with someone about this. Issues around sexual identity can be very complex and need to be explored in person ideally. There is no pamphlet I can send you that will cover this. I suggest you go to see a counsellor at 198 Youth Health Centre at 198 Hereford Street as you live in Christchurch. Ring them at 379 4800 to make an appointment. Think about whether you would rather see a male or a female. Louie or Jenny Rose would both be good people to see. It is a free service. Talking with someone can really help to sort out issues that are bothering us. Good luck with this. If you really feel unable to go and talk with someone in person get back in touch but I think this is the best approach.
I  need help. I’m stuck in a girl’s body but I want to be a boy. Help me please.
Dr G replies:
As you are in Christchurch I have been looking around my networks to see I can find a good referral point for you to see someone who specialises in these issues. It seems that the best thing is to start with a counsellor at the free 198 Youth Health Centre at 198 Hereford Street and you can make an appointment by calling 3794800. Think about whether you want to talk to a man or woman. All visits to 198 are confidential and they can usually fit you in within two weeks.
Talking to a caring adult in person can really help you to see the issue more clearly and answer any specific questions you may have; something not possible online.
Why am I gay?
Dr G replies:
There are different theories about why people are gay. Some think gay people are just born that way, that's just the way they are. Others think there is some sort of choice involved. Some people are bisexual, equally attracted to both women and men. I am wondering why you think you are gay. Generally people know they are gay because they are consistently more attracted to people of the same sex rather than to the opposite sex. Some people feel they knew they were gay from very early in their lives, while for others it's a more gradual process of realisation. It can be hard to work out when you are young as it is common for young people to have crushes on other people, both male and female, and this does not necessarily mean you are gay. I would say take your time over this and enjoy the attractions and friendships you have. You don't need to make a decision about it at this point. If you would like to talk with someone about it you could ring Gay and Lesbian Line on 379 4796. Their hours are Monday 7.30-9pm and Saturday 10am-noon. If you have more questions do get back to me.
How do you know if you are gay?
Dr G replies:
People know they are gay because they feel more attracted to people of the same sex as themselves, rather than to the opposite sex. This can include romantic feelings and sexual feelings. But this can often take a while to work out and it is important not to rush into deciding you are gay when you are young. It is common for young people to have "crushes" on people of the same sex as well as the opposite sex but this doesn't necessarily mean you are gay. It will become clearer over time. If you want to talk to someone about it Gay and Lesbian Line is one place to go. The phone number is 379 4796 and it runs every Monday 7.30 - 9pm, Thursday 8-9pm, Saturday 10am - 12pm. All calls are confidential. There are some resources you could read also. "The Word" is a booklet that you can read on the web at http://www.theword.org.nz. It includes information on sex and relationships. There is also a booklet called "Sisters" if you are a girl (not sure from your name). You can pick up a copy of both at CHIC (Community Health Information Centre) at 76 Chester Street East (just next to the Centennial Leisure Centre by Madras Street). They are free and you can just go in and take them off the shelves. I hope this helps. Good luck and let me know if you have more questions.

Got more questions?

If you have a question that has not been answered, you can ask Dr G.