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Please note: The Pulse Te Auaha and Doctor G have previously referred readers to the 198 Youth Health Centre.

This service no longer operates, but 198 Youth Health Centre counsellors now work from Waipuna Trust, 349 Woodham Road, Christchurch.
Phone 386 2159 to make an appointment. They provide a youth support service.

Find more local youth health and social services from Webhealth Canterbury.

Dr G's frequently asked questions: I don't love them / I'm not interested

I am going out with this guy but I  have a huge crush on this other guy that is in love with me and I’m in love with him …I don’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings … now what should I say?
Dr G replies:
You are not doing him much of a favour stringing him along, you will just have to tell him. Say ’I’m sorry but I don’t want to go out with you any more.’ Yes, he may be crushed but he will get over it. Honesty is best but you don’t need to give him the details of the other guy.
What happens if someone likes you but you do not like them?
Dr G replies:
Well you just say no if they ask you to go out with them. You don’t have to do anything with someone if you don’t like them. You can make up an excuse if that is easier but don’t do anything you don’t want to do.
My boyfriend of five months broke up with me bout a month ago... and I still love him real bad! but I can clearly see he don't love me any more. I find it really hard at times to carry on wit life ‘cause I really, really love him … can you help me please? I really want to get over him but the feelings won't go away!
Dr G replies:
Oh, I really feel for you. Yes it does hurt not to have love returned.
I think it is really important to talk to someone about it. It could be your best friend, your Mum or Dad, or maybe a counsellor like one at 198 Youth Health Centreat 198 Hereford Street which is free and confidential.
I love this girl but I don’t think she likes me. How do I tell her that I like her?
Dr G replies:
The best way is to ask her to do something with you, like go to a movie or to the mall with you. If she is keen to spend time with you that probably means she likes you. Or you could just tell her you like her, just blurt it out and see what happens! Good luck.
What should I do if I like a boy who doesn’t like me? 
Dr G replies:
The hard truth is that we can not make anyone like us if they just don’t. You will need to move on and look out for all the other boys in the world who will like you for the unique young woman you are.
This boy likes me and I don't know what to do?
Dr G replies: I think it depends on whether or not you like him. If you do then get to know him as a friend and see what develops, don't rush into things. If you don't like him, ignore him he will eventually go away.
I’d like to know what to do if you love someone but you don’t want to be with them but you also don’t want anyone else to have them? 
Dr G replies:
You sound confused. It really is a matter of either loving someone and wanting to be with them or letting them go. You can’t have both. Maybe you need to talk with someone else about it e.g. school counsellor, best friend and be clear about what you really want.
What do you do if someone really loves you but you really hate her?
Dr G replies:
RUN! Seriously though, if you don’t want to spend time with someone that’s fine, just tell them. Their feelings belong to them, it doesn’t mean you have to go along with it.
I like this boy but all my friends don't like him. What should I do? 
Dr G replies:
Yes, it can be very difficult if your friends don’t like your boyfriend so I can see why you would worry. Maybe your friends can see something about him that you are unable to because you’ve got a crush on him. On the other hand if you really like him and want to be his girlfriend you may need to ask your friends to trust you on this one and see how it pans out. Talk to your friends.

Got more questions?

If you have a question that has not been answered, you can ask Dr G.