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Please note: The Pulse Te Auaha and Doctor G have previously referred readers to the 198 Youth Health Centre.

This service no longer operates, but 198 Youth Health Centre counsellors now work from Waipuna Trust, 349 Woodham Road, Christchurch.
Phone 386 2159 to make an appointment. They provide a youth support service.

Find more local youth health and social services from Webhealth Canterbury.

Dr G's frequently asked questions: Communication in relationships

How can I communicate better with my BF? I mean he doesn’t talk it’s like he’s waiting for me to start the conversation. We never joke around or anything. I just want to know how to have a fun relationship but how to do it without feeling like an idiot everytime I try to talk to him?
Dr G replies:
This relationship doesn’t sound much fun. Usually a relationship works because you have some interests you can share and talk about. Maybe that is not the case with you and your boyfriend. You need to feel relaxed around each other first before you can joke around. You might like to try the family and friends page on this website which gives you some ideas about how to develop friendships, how to communicate with people and that sort of thing. I hope this helps.
My boyfriend and I have been steadily dating for over two years. I love him very much, he's my best friend. But lately we've been arguing a lot and I'm finding out a lot of things I didn't know about him. Things that I am passionate about, he doesn't care about. We really have almost nothing in common. I want to marry him and he wants to marry me, but will we be happy if we do? Am I just holding onto him because he's a sense of security? I don't feel happy now, so if we spend time apart, will I be happier? What am I supposed to do? We've been able to work through things before, but this seems different.
Dr G replies:
Basic survival rule number one; ‘if in doubt don’t do it’.
It sounds as if you already know the answer to this. You say you have almost nothing in common, and you don’t feel happy now.  Not the best start to a marriage. Much better to wait and see how things go. To have a partner who is not passionate about the same things as you is quite a gap.  I think your hunch about security might be right. Don’t rush into things, there is plenty of time.
My boyfriend has been acting a bit strange lately and it seems like he is trying to avoid me at school. What should i do?
Dr G replies:
Well you really need to talk with him. There is no other way to find out what is going on with him. So be brave and ask him. It will be easier (and quicker) than worrying about it. Good luck.
Hey me and my bf have been going out for  eight months nearly and we arent getting along very well at the moment. I dunno what to do. I’ve tried talking to him but nothing ever happens to make things better. Sometimes we don’t talk for days and i hardly see him. What can I do!
Dr G replies:
Is it worth bothering with someone who doesn’t talk to you or make the time to see you? On the other hand sometimes there can be a difference in what each person considers to be a normal level of seeing each other and that can be difficult to sort out.

Got more questions?

If you have a question that has not been answered, you can ask Dr G.