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Please note: The Pulse Te Auaha and Doctor G have previously referred readers to the 198 Youth Health Centre.

This service no longer operates, but 198 Youth Health Centre counsellors now work from Waipuna Trust, 349 Woodham Road, Christchurch.
Phone 386 2159 to make an appointment. They provide a youth support service.

Find more local youth health and social services from Webhealth Canterbury.

Dr G's frequently asked questions: Cheaters

I have been going out with my bf for 3 months now… he had friends over to his house the other night and I was away… he cheated on me with another girl. I got a text from his mate telling me that he cheated on me. My bf says he was real drunk and is really sorry for what he did. I really don't know what to do. What should I do?
Dr G replies:
I bet that really hurt to have him cheat on you. Do you want to forgive him? Is the relationship strong enough to get through this? Talk to him about how you feel and try to decide what you want to do. Do you want to stay with him? Are there enough good things in the relationship for you to risk giving him another chance? Only you can make that decision, really, although talking to friends may help, it is your decision. Good luck, it's not an easy thing to have to do, be true to yourself.
I think my boy friends cheating on me what do I do?
Dr G replies:
There is only one thing to do. Ask him. Talk to him about it. Also be sure of your facts, and check that jealousy isn't a factor.
What do you do when you think your partner is cheating on you? do you A) spy on them OR B) confront them?
Dr G replies:
B. It’s not a good feeling to think someone may be cheating on you. Do talk to them about it and ask outright if they are cheating on you. It really does pay to be straight up about it, because it might not be true.
My g/f for more than 6 months cheated on me w/ 4 guys (no sex). I broke up with her but found it hard to just not talk to her any more. We still talk and she says she is so sorry and wants to change so I can take her back. I am afraid to take her back even though I want her back. I don’t know whether to give her another chance or to move on. She seemed to be the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and she always told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I need advice on what I should do cuz I really want her back and it hurts and its been really depressing on both of us.
Dr G replies: Wow, sounds like you have been through a lot. It's good that you can still talk to her. From what you've said, you both would really like to be together again, so why not give it another go? You need to be clear with her that she has hurt you with her behaviour, and that it might take time for you to trust again, however you are prepared to work on it with her. Mistakes are to be learnt from, you could give her another chance.
What do i do when my boy friend cheats on me more than once
Dr G replies:
Dump him. You deserve better treatment.
Hi Dr. G. My boyf always cheats on me. I know this but I still for some reason don’t want to leave him. I think I love him but don’t know how I could love someone who continuously breaks my heart. He said he’ll stop and I keep believing him. What else can I do other than leave him? How can I change him?
Dr G replies,
Number one lesson  in life - we can change no one except ourselves.
As he continues to cheat on you it’s pretty unlikely he will choose to change.  Bite the bullet, bear the pain, do it now, move on.

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If you have a question that has not been answered, you can ask Dr G.